Living in the Gray
What does finding balance really mean? Is it really possible for two opposing views to be true simultaneously? How can we find a middle ground?
While the answers to these questions are infinite, one tool and practice to utilize is living in the gray area and not getting stuck in black and white thinking patterns.
Rather than setting the expectation to never fall into black and white thinking or never being pulled into an extreme (that expectation itself violates the intention!), it’s helpful to explore ways to come back to even.
There will inevitably be people, situations, feelings, and memories that pull us into an extreme, whether in thought or feeling. Life’s extremes — both the highs and the lows — can be informative. But when we become ruled by one extreme or the other (or by the continual bouncing between), our life becomes chaotic.
Living in the gray means we’re able to recognize this pull to the extreme and come back to balance.
This meditative ability to consistently bring ourselves back to center is not to be confused with being passive, a pushover, or not opinionated. Rather, living in the gray allows us to actually take action. When overcome by an either/or mindset, we are too clouded to take action or think clearly. Doing the work to come back to the gray gives us the perspective needed to not only connect to our wisdom but to wisely assert, make necessary changes, and reach our goals.
To start practicing finding the gray, begin with a situation that isn’t too emotionally charged. Take yourself through the steps below to begin a practice of finding balance.
Identify and write down your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about this situation. Continue this until you think you’re through. Then take 3 deep breaths and write a few more.
Pause here to notice your body’s response to writing these. Is there tension? Are you cloudy? Is your heart racing? Is your body worked up? Spend 5 minutes noticing and acknowledging your physical response, gradually bringing your physical self to neutral.
When feeling neutral, look objectively at what you wrote. What else might be true? Write other ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that may not resonate with you but fall into the realm of possibility. Keep an open mind and neutral physical body. If you get pulled out of neutral, pause, breathe, and return when ready. Once you feel you’ve written all other possible truths, recall there are infinite perspectives and possibilities. Take 3 deep breaths and write a few more.
Now write at least one action you can and want to take. Ask yourself if this action is realistic, if it will create positive change, and if it is motivated by and created from a place of wisdom. If not, continue drafting until all are present.
As you become more comfortable exploring extremes and finding the gray, try the process with more charged situations, remembering to seek guidance when you need it.
Find your own unique process to living in the gray. Maybe it’s conversation, journaling, recording yourself coaching yourself to center (or requesting a personalized one be created for you), or a simple breath practice. Remember, growth, change, and finding the gray is a dynamic, ever-changing process. Adjust as you need, be gentle, and find balance.
