What is Self-Talk and How to Change the Narrative

Allison Osmer, Masters Level Clinician

What Is Self-Talk?

Self-talk, or our inner voice, is our internal dialogue with ourselves. It interprets our experiences of the world, processes our emotions, and forms judgments about who we are. We might not always be conscious of it, but our inner voice impacts our feelings, behaviors, and overall self-esteem. 

Self-talk can come in various forms, from supportive and motivational to negative and detrimental to self-esteem.

The flavor of our self-talk can influence how we view ourselves and the world around us. If we have an affinity for supportive self-talk, we may view ourselves more positively and interact with the world more optimistically. However, if our inner voice tends to lean more negatively, that may cause us to feel more prone to feeling stressed, pessimistic, and overly critical of ourselves.

What Influences the Tone of Our Self-Talk? 

Our self-talk's tone is influenced by feedback from the world around us. We are not born into the world with preconceived ideas about who we are or what we should be.

Throughout childhood development, our understanding of self takes shape as we absorb feedback from caregivers, teachers, and peers. The tone and content of this feedback play an important role in shaping our internal dialogue, influencing whether our inner narrative leans towards positivity or negativity.

Consider the scenario of a caregiver offering supportive and positive feedback or, alternatively, negative, and overly critical remarks to their children. The child who received the more negative and critical feedback might start internalizing that into their own negative self-talk. In contrast, the child with the more positive, supportive feedback might internalize a more positive and supportive inner voice. 

However, it's important to recognize that caregivers aren't the sole creators of our inner dialogue. Teachers, peers, and media consumption significantly shape how we perceive ourselves and develop our inner narratives.

How To Change the Narrative 

Now that we understand the concept of self-talk and the factors influencing its tone, the next step involves recognizing, challenging, and shifting our inner dialogue.

Transitioning from negative to more neutral or positive self-talk is a powerful strategy that can alleviate stress, enhance confidence, and elevate overall well-being. We can start shifting your negative self-talk by implementing the following steps:

Building awareness of thoughts. 

The first step towards transforming your self-talk is to become aware of your thoughts. Take a moment to observe the patterns of your inner dialogue. Are your thoughts generally uplifting, or do they tend to lean towards self-criticism? Awareness is the key to initiating change.

Challenging your thoughts.

Once you’ve identified the prevalent tone of your self-talk, challenge the negative thoughts holding you back. Evaluate the origin of the thoughts, question the validity, and consider alternative, more neutral, or positive perspectives. This process involves creating a mental space for constructive self-reflection.

Defusing negative thoughts. 

Negative thoughts can often feel overwhelming and all-encompassing. Defuse their power by creating distance from yourself and the thought. For example, say, “I am having the thought that...” in front of the negative thought instead of taking it as fact. 

Replacing negative thoughts with a neutral or positive one.

Actively replace negative thoughts with neutral or positive ones. This is not about denying the challenges you face but reframing them in a way that empowers rather than diminishes. Develop positive affirmations that resonate with you and integrate them into your inner dialogue.

Wrapping Up

Our self-talk significantly influences our self-perception and emotions. However, we regain control over the narrative we construct about ourselves by developing awareness of our thoughts, challenging, and defusing them, and substituting negative thoughts with neutral or positive affirmations. When we transition from negative to more neutral or positive self-talk, we open ourselves up to the potential to reduce stress, elevate our self-esteem, and improve our overall well-being.