Understanding Our Relationship with Fear and Anxiety

Allison Osmer, Masters Level Clinician

Fear and anxiety are emotional messages, sometimes helpful, sometimes not, conveying information about our beliefs, needs, and relationships within and around us. They are not emotions we necessarily need to eliminate, but instead, are emotions that are there to guide us and keep us safe. 

Fear in particular can show up loud and clear, telling us there is danger ahead. Our nervous system activates, informing our bodies to flee or fight a threat. Other times, the source of our uneasiness may be unclear, and we may need to take time to understand what the emotion is telling us. Is there a danger in front of us that might cause us harm? Or are we feeling fear due to a situation in the present that is reminding us of a past hurt/threat to our safety? Are we bravely trying something new and scared of failure? Or is our body telling us we are about to do something we will regret later? Answering these questions can be helpful in assessing why we are experiencing fear or anxiety, and help us to determine how we want to respond. 

What’s The Difference Between Fear and Anxiety: 

It is helpful to recognize that fear and anxiety are closely linked emotions but not totally the same. Anxiety often emerges from a sense of uncertainty about future events. It may or may not be triggered by an immediate threat but also by apprehension about what might happen. In contrast, fear is more immediate and tied to an identifiable perceived threat. Fear and anxiety both have protective functions with the purpose of keeping us safe. However, these emotions can also negatively impact our lives when the emotion excessively takes over or emerges when we are not actually threatened. Below is a breakdown of when fear and anxiety are helpful and when they are not. 

The Helpful Aspects of Fear and Anxiety:

Protection from Danger: Fear is a powerful protective mechanism that alerts us to imminent danger and prompts us to take appropriate action to safeguard ourselves. Anxiety may emerge to proactively prevent us from entering dangerous situations, like an alert/alarm system..

Caution in Risky Situations: Fear and anxiety encourage caution in potentially hazardous situations, helping us make safer decisions and avoid unnecessary risks.

Motivation for Action: Anxiety can motivate us to tackle unpleasant tasks or challenges, as we fear potential negative consequences and seek to protect ourselves from future harm.

Self-Protection and Social Awareness: Fear and anxiety can heighten our awareness of our own needs and the emotions of others, fostering self-protection and empathy in our relationships.

When Fear and Anxiety Become Unhelpful:

Excessive Worry and Rumination: When fear and anxiety become chronic, they can lead to excessive worrying and rumination, causing distress and interfering with daily functioning.

Misperceiving Threats: When chronic anxiety goes unchecked, we may experience confusion or misperception of the potential threats around us. We may start experiencing anxiety in situations where there is no emotional or physical threat and the anxiety itself becomes the emotional stressor.

Impaired Decision-Making: Intense anxiety can cloud judgment, leading to impulsive decisions or analysis paralysis that hinder effective problem-solving.

Interference with Life Goals: Fear and anxiety may prevent us from living the life we desire if we don’t learn to cope with anxiety and expand our threshold for emotional experiences as we may hold ourselves back from certain situations, experiences, and goals. Even though a part of us wants to, the anxiety may hijack and take over.

Physical Symptoms: Unmanaged fear and anxiety can manifest as psychosomatic symptoms, such as headaches, insomnia, stomach aches, and other physical symptoms.

Coping Strategies for Managing Fear and Anxiety

Develop Stress Resilience Practices: Prioritize self-care, including nutritious eating, regular movement, and reducing caffeine and alcohol consumption. Practice emotional self-care with journaling, creative expression, talking with a support system, etc. Maintain routine self-care, including addressing basic physical needs as well as emotional ones. Seeking therapy can also provide valuable support.

Regulate Your Nervous System: In addition to the self-care practices listed above, specific attention on regulating your nervous system and expanding your window of tolerance is especially helpful in regulating anxiety, specifically when we are misperceiving threats. Increase body awareness to identify initial signs of anxiety and use somatic practices to calm your system. Some ways to regulate include: deep breathing, drinking cold water or putting your hands/face in cold water, shaking, using a weighted blanket/hug/self-massage to feel your body boundaries, grounding techniques. In addition to ways you can regulate on your own, seeing a somatic therapist, dance/movement therapist, acupuncturist, or Reiki healer are other ways of getting support and ideas for regulating your nervous system. 

Use Consistent Coping Strategies: Practice ways of coping with anxiety even when you aren’t anxious. If you’ve never used the tool before, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to successfully guide yourself in a moment of heightened stress. Practice deep breathing, grounding exercises, calling supports, taking mindful walks, gentle stretching, and other coping skills regularly so that you can more effectively and easily tap into them when you are anxious.

Limit Exposure to Stressors: When possible, reduce exposure to unnecessary stressors in your environment. Set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. 

Fear and anxiety are natural emotions that can be helpful and unhelpful, depending on how they manifest and impact our lives. By understanding their purposes and adopting coping strategies, we can harness the helpful aspects of these emotions while managing their unhelpful effects. Seeking professional support can be helpful when fear and anxiety overwhelm and interfere with your well-being. Embrace the lessons these emotions offer and move towards a more fulfilling and balanced life. 

Getting Support for Anxiety

For additional support with coping with anxiety, Katie offers telehealth somatic therapy and mental health coaching; Hannah specializes in telehealth for anxiety and OCD; Casey works with folks using DBT, which can provide helpful skills for anxiety; Ashantis is a great fit for folks with body image anxiety; Allison and Petru offer sliding scale therapy in Chicago (virtual sessions); and Katie offers in-person and virtual energy healing.